Moods & stuff

Hmm, where to start on this one. I've never really felt like I fit in anywhere. That's as good a place as any. I'm not completely sure where this comes from if I'm honest. It could be a side effect of my childhood where I was bullied throughout my junior school years. That certainly left me with a very paranoid and sensitive state of mind for a while. Age and life experience has taught me to deal with that better but it still rears it's ugly head sometimes.

'What do they really think of me in that office'. As far as work goes I generally avoid the office as much as possible and stick to my door to door jobs as I find certain characters socially intimidating and I'm often very aware that I may come across as awkward and slightly strange. I've had my moments in the past few years where I've got myself in a state and overreacted to certain work situations that have arisen. Whether I'm just seen as a loose cannon now I'm not sure but I am sure I'm not very well thought of by many both socially and professionally. Of course there's a few nice folks that I get on with on a 1 to 1 but as I don't socialise with anyone much these days, especially the work lot I'm restricted to the occasional friendly phone conversation. 

When it comes to my actual day to day job I have no problem being friendly, jokey and smiley with the people I meet. It's my favourite part of the job if I'm honest. With the exception of a grumpy and/or tetchy minority most people I meet on a daily basis range from pleasant, lovely, funny, sweet and just generally nice. If I can bring a smile while I'm in their house by a friendly chat or a funny comment then I'm happy. I'm hoping it's mutually beneficial.

I feel bad wondering if my personality defects could be anything to do with my parents although saying that these days I try to have as little to do with my family as possible. Mum & sister are very theatrical and to my mind overly fake at times and I just cant handle being around them. Mum and Dad also constantly bicker about stupid things and did so all the way through my teenage years. Its not a nice environment to be in which is why I stay away. 

To her credit my Mum helped a lot when I was going through college and worked a part time job to pay for my upkeep. It was a fantastic thing to do and I'll forever be grateful to her for that but unfortunately I'll also never be allowed to forget it. I left college 15 years ago and in the years following I have done numerous things for her and Dad that they're unable or unwilling to do including a new kitchen, repairs to their old boiler & radiator repairs, new shower, kitchen sink  unblocked blah blah etc etc. Just simple stuff that adult kids do for their parents but still years on whenever she wants anything doing it's used as a blackmailing tool and it's left me with a reluctance to accept any kind of help off her or Dad as it will be used by her against me in the future. She mentions her and Dad's will every now and again but I'm really so close to telling her to give everything to my sister so I don't feel beholden to her constantly. I try to avoid her as much as possible these days. Sad but true.

Maybe I have a character defect that nobody has ever directly challenged or diagnosed. My wife Clare, bless her heart, has done some work in social care over the years and picked up on this while I was going through a really dark depressive phase a couple of years ago. I was signed off work for 6-8 weeks with anxiety and depression, felt so low and didn't know what to do with myself. I never hit a suicidal patch although the thoughts have crossed my mind on and off through my late teens and throughout my 20s and early 30s. 

When I was signed off for a second time my doctor discussed the possibility of medication. For quite a while this worried me as I felt weak having to rely on tablets to stay sane as it were, and also worried that I'd get hooked on them or use them as a crutch. She explained that depression is a mental illness and it can be treated in the same way as you'd take a paracetamol for a headache or insulin for diabetes. It's replacing a missing chemical in the brain that causes the depression and in my case on the whole it has worked. I still have my moods but nothing like before and I find it so much easier to be positive about life. It's not only helped me but also the two wonderful people who choose to put up with me. I love you both and am so proud of you.

When it comes to emotional problems I either get angry or run away from it if I can. I'm not a fighter and never have been. I attribute that to my years being bullied where I never stood up for myself or fought back. I'd sooner try to escape. Even holding a black belt in Taekwondo failed to change that part of me. Yes I am a black belt but I've never had a real fight in my life and I reckon I would probably freeze or run for it if I was faced with it. I'd like to think I'd go into auto pilot but who knows really. At least it made me flexible.

Clare thinks I may be borderline Aspergers. When she mentioned this first time I reacted the way I react to most things at first. Quite calmly and accepting. That's what I do until I've had a chance to think about them a bit, then I start over-thinking them and the worrying starts. I took an online Aspergers test and although it was close I fell into the mild category. The main thing that worried me about this was my job. Aspergers falls under the Autism umbrella and it has a real stigma attached. What if work noticed it and decided I was unfit for work etc? If I lost my job and couldn't earn we'd lose everything we've worked so hard for. It's something that's always in the back of my mind and is probably part of the reason I stay out of the office so much. If they don't know me too well they can't notice right? Hmm!

Aside from Clare & Jake who are a real positive asset in my life, my Twitter group is a source of constant giggles, laughs and even therapy. At first I started following all sorts of people but after a while I started to weed out the negative types and attention seekers. I suppose in a way on there I'm also an attention seeker but I try to be as nice as I possibly can be to people and I like to think it's gotten me a lovely group of followers that I enjoy talking to on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. We all like a good moan occasionally, I like to post what in doing, if I think something is funny, random silly thoughts and if I can make someone laugh in any way I will. It's fun.

Clare has a motto that fits really well into most life situations.

'It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.'

I prefer nice, I'll never be important as some people see it but we're all important to somebody. I hope I am. :)

Our Perfect Wedding Day

I would imagine many people can say this. Surely it can't be just us who had a perfect day with the perfect venues, food, family, friends, transport and most unbelievable of all, the weather! Yes, we were stunned that we happened to plan our happiest day on what turned out to be 2009's hottest day. You surely can't plan that!!! Amazing. :)

   The happy couple

Clare proposed to me on the 29th of February 2008 as we lay in bed just after we woke up that morning. Yeh she basically beat me to it! That's taking the initiative for you, I've never been any good at it. :) That one question and answer was the start of an 18 month ordeal of decisions about venues, suits, dresses, food, transport, hotel accommodation, photographers, stationery and all the other things that you associate with weddings. We knew we didn't want a religious affair. It wouldn't be right as I'm not religious at all and Clare isn't particularly either so we weren't about to join a church congregation and pretend for 3 months just so we could get married there. It would've felt fake and I can't be bothered with all that. Besides there are hundreds of beautiful venues where folks can get wed these days without inviting God and his minions to the party. We also weren't bothered with all the standard stuffy wedding tradition and just wanted a gathering of family and friends to come celebrate with us and make it special. All the speeches, cutting the cake, official first dance and all that got chucked. We just wanted a really good time and some happy memories. Keep it simple!

   Cannon Hall Gardens

With that in mind and after looking around at one or two places we chose Cannon Hall in Cawthorne. Most people know it as Cannon Hall Farm due to the tourist attraction side of it. They also have a really nice garden centre, the Maize Maze that is redesigned and regrown every year and obviously there's the stately home itself. The Maize Maze was our first day out together after we met so it seemed fitting that our wedding day should be there. Our wedding reception venue was another favourite hang-out of ours, The Rockingham Arms in Wentworth. It's a lovely country pub and the staff were so helpful with us. Things actually took a worrying turn with a couple of months to go as unknown to us the management changed hands. We were lucky to discover this in plenty of time and the new management pulled out all the stops to make sure that their first wedding party would want for nothing on their big day. I honestly can't recommend them enough, they were fantastic. 

    The Rockingham Arms Wentworth

The reception was held in the barn at the rear with access to their gardens and we also had full access to their 11 hotel rooms across the road which we fully booked for our guests for the night. More about that later. ;-)

The day itself had to be properly timed and planned as the two venues were a good 20-30 minute drive from each other. We booked 2 wedding cars which were an antique Rolls Royce and an open top Daimler and to ferry our guests from the meet-up at The Rockingham to Cannon Hall for the wedding and back to The Rockingham we hired an antique double decker bus! It was a right funny affair but it went like clockwork and we couldn't have asked for more. To follow tradition a little the night before the wedding I stayed the night at my parents to ponder my last night as a single man. No nerves, honest! No really, I wasn't nervous. Very strange I know.

   Wedding Car 1

    Wedding car 2 & bridesmaids

Our bridesmaids were a mix of friends and family. Left to right are Megan (Clare's niece), Grace & Faith (next door neighbours) and Jaimie (my niece). They all looked beautiful although I think the open top Daimler caused a hair issue on the motorway. I was lucky enough to be immune as I'd had my own hair disaster a few months previous with a random bout of stress-induced alopecia so the only solution was to keep it shaved off. Thank Christ it recovered and grew back.

The running order went like this:

I make my way to The Rockingham alone all suited and booted to relax and wait for our guests to arrive.

Our 2 hired cars arrive at our house to collect Clare, Jake and the 4 bridesmaids.

Clare and Jake take a very leisurely drive through the beautiful Yorkshire countryside to Cannon Hall in the Rolls Royce.

The Daimler carrying the bridesmaids stops at The Rockingham to collect my best man Dave and myself and we all head off to Cannon Hall. The bus then arrives at The Rockingham to collect our guests who also begin their fun filled journey.

   The 'Special' Bus!

Yes that's the bus. The Special bus! Clare and a few of her mates nearly wet themselves laughing when they saw that on the front. Dingles on tour or what! Everyone had a right giggle on that journey and it really added to the atmosphere of the day. The guys who ran the bus company were lovely fellas too.

I had arrived at the pub a couple of hours early to just chill out a bit. I didnt feel particularly nervous but I knew that if I stayed at my parents too long then I might because Mum fusses a bit so I went for some me-time. While I waited at the pub on my own, just passing time with a bottle of cider, I got a few knowing looks from passers by, a few 'good lucks' and a couple of nice chats with one or two locals when I went to the post office to get some cash out and to the bar to get that much needed drink. It was a bloody hot day! Perfect weather really, I've no idea where it came from but I'll always be grateful for it.

    Everyone gathers for the journey

Over the next 2 hours people gradually started arriving, I got occasional phone calls from Jake telling me things were going ok at his end and that all was going to plan and on time. Clare's pal Tracey arrived at the pub with flowers for the ladies and gents button holes which were distributed amongst the chosen few and drinks started flowing as is the norm in the Flanagan family, and quite rightly so. Time suddenly seemed to speed up a little as the crowd grew and before I knew it the bus and car had arrived and it was time to go. I signalled to Dave and off we all went. It seemed like everyone had a good laugh on the bus, quite the day out from the sound of it. We all arrived on time and were ushered into the hall where Clare and I were to be wed. We had picked out about 5 of our favourite songs to be played at various times during the ceremony. A mix of Sinatra and Mariah Carey but after sitting at the front chatting for a few minutes I realised there was no music playing. I've never been one for delegating so instead of asking someone to sort it I walked hurriedly back up the aisle out to the front to find someone who was meant to be turning the music on. It was only a while afterwards that I realised it must've looked like I was doing a runner! :-)

    Waiting patiently with best man Dave

The time came and everyone stood while Clare, Jake and her bridesmaids entered the room and made their way down the aisle. Both Clare's parents had passed on so it was decided that young Jakey would give his mum away. He did a great job and made a lovely speech in the middle of the proceedings that he'd written himself. Good lad. :)

    Nice highlights matey

The ceremony continued without incident, no crazy exes jumping in to stop proceedings and Clare and I were married in front of about 80 smiling friends and family. Our registrar Pearl and helpful assistant Sharon were lovely ladies and led everything perfectly. 

    Me, Sharon, Pearl & Clare

After saying our vows, rings exchanged and Pearl telling me I could now kiss my bride everyone stood up clapping and cheering. There were tears and smiles all around and friends and family started leaving their seats to take photos. After a short break and the signing of the register we all went out for photos and most importantly more booze in the beautiful sunny Cannon Hall gardens. 

   Clare & I - Fancy seeing you here!

   Time to sign.

    The boys

   The girls

After a couple of boxes of champagne had disappeared it was time for everyone to climb back into their respective transporters and be driven back to the pub for the proper party to start. When we originally organised the food we were given an option to put on some light appetisers for the wedding guests after they arrived back from Cannon Hall. Just something to keep them ticking over for an hour or two before the extra evening guests arrived and the proper buffet was served. Well, the guy offered the standard canapés and wedding stuff and then went on to mention that some folks have had other options in the past. As soon as he mentioned 'chip butties' that was it. What a legend! So in true Sheffield style when our wedding guests arrived off the bus they were greeted to a huge offering of chips and buttered bread rolls to feed themselves with. Needless to say it went down very well. 

   Dad enjoys his chip butty

    They caught us!

After the chip butties the drinks continued, more funny and lovely folks arrived, more food was laid out, the pub fired up the BBQ and the karaoke started. Tracey performed an interesting rendition of Valerie but changed the words to suit the occasion. "Why don't ya come on over Paul Neweeeeeey!" Cheers Tracey, you nut case! The atmosphere of the entire occasion was friendly, jokey and just lovely. My dad's cousin Pam commented that it was the nicest wedding she'd ever been to and that was a great compliment for the day everyone helped to put together.

    Tracey & Clare

    Final dance for us three

   Melanie, Robyn & Katie

    Clare & Robyn laugh over split chips

   Shaun & Tracey on karaoke

    Me in Tracey's hat

The night was over for some but not all as many evening guests got taxis and a select gathering of friends and family wandered over the road drunk but with still a few miles on the clock. Clare and I went to our honeymoon suite, de-robed and lay on our bed opening our various cards and presents while listening and laughing at the random bumps, rumbles and drunken singing from above. Helium balloons from the party had been smuggled across and the drunken Sheffield United fans among the group could be heard singing a drunken rendition of the chip butty song while on helium. Daft set of muppets! Good job it was only us in that hotel overnight, we'd have been chucked out for excessive noise anywhere else. :-)

    Robyn & Tracey finally sleep

    Sis-in-law Sharon with Tracey & hubby Andrew

The following morning we all went back over to the pub for our breakfast, some nursing hangovers but nothing too serious and the happy mood was still with us. Tracey told us a story of how her hubby Andrew had heard a noise outside in the night, had wandered down in just his underwear to check what it was and got himself locked out! Crazy lot but so funny. Never a dull moment with that crowd. After breakfast we went back over to the hotel to gather our stuff together and had a sit out in the morning sun while Robyn (Clare's niece) and Shaun (Clare's brother) proceeded to try on Clare's wedding dress. Still pissed or just mad, you choose. We couldn't! 

    Robyn in the dress

    Shaun. Suits your sir! Ooooh!

The whole experience turned out wonderful and we couldn't have asked for anything better. I'll never forget it and the people who helped make it happen and it will forever stay in my memory as the most fun day of my life. Clare and I drove home happy and when we got back we found our lovely neighbours (the good ones) had left this for us.

   Our house decorated up

    The decorators. Faith, Marie, Steve & Grace. Proper good neighbours. :-)

Thanks for reading if you've got this far. Here's a few more photos from the day.

   It's party time

    Our lass

    Wedding socks

    Mind your step

    Mel, Tracey & Robyn. Terrible trio

    Jake speaks!

   Dave, Me, Clare & Sue

   On the buses

   Dad: Cheers son!

   Just married.

Neighbours. Horrible ones!

Those of you that follow my twitter feed may have seen recent tweets regarding my bloody awful adjoining next door neighbours. To be honest even calling them 'neighbours' sounds wrong. To me a neighbour is someone you generally get along with, borrow garden tools, have the occasional BBQ and a drink, chat over the fence etc. Our house is the middle house of a block of three and the neighbourly relationship I just described is one that we have with the other side. They're fine, pretty normal family, hubby & wife, 2 friendly teenage daughters and we've never really had a problem with them. I go to the football with the guy, have a chat when we take the bins out etc. You know the drill. Nice normal people.

    Our house & our 'good' neighbours

The above picture shows most of our house and our nice neighbours to the left. The 'other lot' are part of our semi-detached house. Worse luck to have to share bricks & mortar with those rotten excuses for human beings. Before I go any further I'll apologise in advance for the amount of venom I may inadvertently spit into this blog post. I like to think I'm a fairly chilled out friendly person these days. I don't hassle people, they don't hassle me, I like being friendly and smiling at people, give compliments and generally be nice. These worthless individuals however bring out my worst feelings of hate and I've often told myself that should one of them drop dead at the end of their drive that I wouldn't even bother to step out my door. It's a very destructive and depressing feeling and it's been brought on over 5 years of on & off mental torture by those losers. I'd like to think that if actually faced with the situation that I'd react like most people and rush to help. Maybe one day I'll find out. I know I'd be happier within myself if I chose the 2nd option. I've really thought  about this far too much haven't I.

    Our house & them!

This was what the houses looked like a couple of years ago before we had finally had enough of them arguing with us over the fence and glaring through our windows as we watched TV. There is now a 6ft fence down their side blocking their view of our downstairs windows as they walk up their path. It was the only solution we could think of as any form of tree or bush we may have planted in it's place would've ended up poisoned. I'll get into that later. The woman is a complete spoiled bully and has been all her life according to those in the area who knew her in her younger years. From what we know of her she wasn't wanted by her mother, which would explain her hideous and unusual name, and spent most of her childhood years being spoiled rotten by her grandmother. This seemingly created a wanton monster that MUST always have her own way at anyone's expense. As far as her sly and sneaky husband goes we know very little about him and his background. We've discovered in our time living here that he's one of those that will often be diplomatic to your face but then plot your demise behind closed doors. He's also ridiculously arrogant. Lovely couple eh?

   Our house when we first moved in

.

So, for the first 6 months or so living in our house we were quite civil and even friendly with them. Well, we didn't know them and both Clare and I are outwardly friendly people so we just got on with it as you do. The problems started with an issue over parking as alot of neighbour disputes do. When we moved here my work van was a small Citreon Berlingo, same size as a Ford Escort van or an estate car. I was told that the work van fleet were all being changed for Ford Transits. When I found this out I mentioned it to our mentally troubled neighbour and since it was a bigger van I offered to park the van at the bottom of the drive so she didn't have to see a big company logo when she looked out of her lounge window. Not something I needed to do but just a friendly gesture. I'd heard a rumour at work they may have been reinforcing the van locks, as they did on the old vans to cut down on break-ins so I mentioned this to her as well and said as soon as this was done I would start parking off the drive so as not to block her view.

    The 'arguing' fence. Oooooo!

Time passed, nothing materialised and it was forgotten. One day at work I got a call from my supervisor telling me there had been a complaint to my manager by my neighbour about where I park my van at night and that it was parked on a 'shared drive and blocking her view of the park.' She couldn't even ask me to my face but preferred to potentially land me in shit with my manager instead. Nice!! Luckily my manager and supervisor realised they were dealing with an interfering busy body and since the van was actually parked on my drive and not a shared or public space then there wasnt a problem. When I got home that day I found her and my wife and our other neighbour arguing over the fence. Our good neighbours cant stand them either. Clare had confronted her face to face and caught her off guard, clearly she didnt expect us to say anything directly to them. After that all pleasantries were abandoned and the evil staring through the windows started, and damn is she ugly too!

Things are usually pretty quiet in the Winter months as we're all inside and there's very little risk of antagonisation from either side as it's always dark and we don't see each other. It tends to be the Summer months when they start dictating and playing their sneaky tricks. It was one such Summer when they were walking up their drive staring through our window so in a split second of exasperation I flicked a V sign in their direction. Well she saw it didn't she, told her dopey husband and he came back to shout through our window at us. How dare we swear at them when they're discretely invading our privacy! How very dare we! We came outside and another row started over the fence, joined soon by our other neighbours wondering what all the shouting was about. Eventually after a good half hour of metaphorical mud slinging it all calmed down again, half hearted and insincere apologies were offered and we reverted back to our previous routine of ignoring each other and getting on with our lives. The ugly stares continued from time to time but the worst was yet to come.

    Boundary lines before their redesign

The following Summer while the usual tensions built up as the weather improved we looked out to notice the two of them measuring and spray painting yellow lines across what was part of the turning space for all three houses. This was a constant cause of argument between us as their 2 adult daughters were constantly parking their cars all over their side of the turning area making it impossible for cars to effectively turn off the drive without reversing all the way back to the road. Another example of their completely selfish 'Im alright Jack' mentality. When we confronted them about why they were spray painting the path they took great delight in telling us that they were 'boundary lines' and the council had sold them the land so it was no longer to be used by anyone but them. Where they got the cash for that we have no idea but we can hazard a few guesses. A dodgy insurance claim over the supposed burglary of a £15k engagement ring earlier in the year and a very very strong smell of cannabis plants a few months earlier suddenly made sense. Set of sneaky bastards! 

    Jake's poisoned Christmas tree. RIP

An act of vandalism that same night stirred things up even more as a petrol bomb was thrown through the back window of their car while it was on the drive. Clare and I woke up to see an orange flickering reflection on our curtains, we looked out and saw flames coming from their car. Bloody hell! Looks like we're not the only ones who don't like them. Naturally we all got the blame, I mean as if we'd set fire to a car next door and endanger our own property, and we were told in no uncertain terms the following day, Clare's birthday, that 'things are going to start happening around here!'.....and they did too. Over the following weeks Jake's living Christmas Tree was poisoned with detergent, my car window got smashed & burgled twice, the bumper got cracked while on the drive and my van tyre mysteriously blew out one night while on the drive. Other stuff happened to our other neighbours too but I won't bother going into that. I think you get the idea.

After this it was time to put up some deterrents in the way of security lights, CCTV cameras front and back, 2 new fences to block their view onto our garden and a redesign of the driveway with lockable gates to keep the bastards out. To a certain degree it's worked but it didn't stop that silly cow from having a 30 minute verbal at Clare one morning about something as stupid as Clare 'deliberately' splashing her window while she was watering her plants. Does the woman do a Basil Fawlty and shout at the sky when it rains too? Mad thoughts! Anyway the whole episode was caught on camera, even when the stupid cow went toe to toe with Clare and threatened to 'smash her face in'. Our usual helpful police lady was informed as she'd dealt with all our previous problems with these idiots and enough evidence was gained to slap a nice big harassment order on her. Lovely! 

   Their porch window, watch this space!

That was a couple of years ago now and they've been pretty quiet since. We freshened up the back garden last year and the idiot tried to report us to the police for criminal damage as we'd painted our side of his fence with brown weather protective paint. How pathetic can a person get? Other than that not much to speak of. Not until yesterday when we discovered she'd started poisoning plants again. One of Clare's flowers in the back corner of the front garden, the one next to their porch window has gone very brown and lifeless. On watering it yesterday afternoon it started to froth up, exactly what our poor Christmas tree had done when we tried to save it. So she's at it again! 

    Another poisoned plant. Cheers bitch

What to do now then eh? We have an idea and as usual it'll just work out worse for her. She glared through our windows, we put a fence up and blocked her view. She verbally and physically threatened Clare and got a harassment order on her CRB record for her trouble. When we put the new fence up we left their porch window porch clear of obstruction but if she wants to continue to push us with her petty amusements then it's getting blocked off. Tough shit mrs! I'll post a picture on here when it's done. :)

Edit: Just finished our new project, let's see what they try to do about this! 

    Operation 'Fuck'em' Complete!